In My Dreams I Hold a Knife by Ashley Winstead

Ten years after graduation, Jessica Miller has planned her triumphant return to her southern, elite Duquette University, down to the envious whispers that are sure to follow in her wake. Everyone is going to see the girl she wants them to see—confident, beautiful, indifferent. Not the girl she was when she left campus, back when Heather Shelby’s murder fractured everything, including the tight bond linking the six friends she’d been closest to since freshman year.
But not everyone is ready to move on. Not everyone left Duquette ten years ago, and not everyone can let Heather’s murder go unsolved. Someone is determined to trap the real killer, to make the guilty pay. When the six friends are reunited, they will be forced to confront what happened that night—and the years’ worth of secrets each of them would do anything to keep hidden.
Told in racing dual timelines, with a dark campus setting and a darker look at friendship, love, obsession, and ambition, In My Dreams I Hold A Knife is an addictive, propulsive read you won’t be able to put down. (taken from Amazon)

In My Dreams I Hold a Knife had a lot of potential, but it ultimately did not pay off for me. The setup was fantastic, but the twists and turns seemed to get away from the author a little bit. That being said, there are some things that I really appreciated about the novel.

The book follows a group of people who used to be good friends in college, until the main character’s roommate, Heather, was killed. Jessica, the main character, is excited to go to her college homecoming years later, to prove to everyone that she’s successful, but the shadow of the unsolved murder hangs over her. No one was ever convicted of the crime, but most people assumed it was Jack, Heather’s boyfriend at the time.

Jessica’s triumphant return to her old school is ruined when the victim’s brother shows up, determined to expose the real killer. As the old group’s secrets are revealed, things become less clear and much more sinister than any of them expected.

From the main character to the victim, not one person in the group was likeable. I was completely on board with the cast of rather despicable characters because it kept me from easily guessing the “whodunnit” (generally, it’s the only person in the group who seems nice). It’s a bold choice to write such an unsavory group of characters and it kept things interesting.

The story jumped back and forth from past to present. It also switched between points of view, but each character was unique enough that there was never any confusion. The jumps between time, while sometimes odd, always added a new puzzle piece which finally led up to the big reveal.

My biggest quibble with In My Dreams I Hold a Knife was the sheer number of twists. It got to the point where it was just too much. As twist after twist was added, I ended up losing patience with the plot. Eventually, it got to the point where I’d give a little sigh.

The big reveal was done well, although the follow-up didn’t necessarily feel needed. That is my own personal preference, though. I like endings that don’t tie into a neat bow. If you like seeing everything wrapped up neatly, you’ll appreciate the extra time the author put into doing just that.

I don’t usually post trigger warnings, but I do think it is important to share that there is mention of r**e in this book. It is not graphic, but it is an important part of the plot.

If you like books with many twists that keep you guessing and untrustworthy characters, In My Dreams I Hold a Knife should go on your “to be read” list.